Tokophobia: When Fear of Pregnancy Takes Over

Are you considering starting or growing your family but are scared to face pregnancy and childbirth? Are you already pregnant and afraid of what’s to come? If so, you’re not alone! For most people, pregnancy brings about an array of emotions from excitement and anticipation to nervousness and fear. Occasional worries are expected and appropriate during periods of big life change. 

What Is Tokophobia?

Tokophobia is the intense fear or avoidance of pregnancy and childbirth. It goes beyond mild worry or anxiety and can be preoccupying and affect your functioning. A key indicator of a phobia is that your fear is out of proportion to the actual risk. While it’s important to note that pregnancy can be dangerous and unpredictable, Tokophobia is indicated when the level of fear is disproportionate to the actual risk and when your fear of pregnancy and childbirth is blocking you from creating the life you want.

Impact of Tokophobia

Tokophobia can feel like a giant barrier preventing you from having a family. It can affect women who want to have children, as well as those who choose to be childfree.  Tokophobia may affect men, non-binary identifying individuals, and transgender folks, as well. 

The roots of this fear are different for everyone. Tokophobia may stem from direct exposure to past trauma, such as sexual trauma, traumatic medical experiences, or a prior traumatic pregnancy or childbirth experience. It may occur because someone close to you has undergone a traumatic experience, or it can arise in reaction to fear-inducing information. Tokophobia may be rooted in a fear of losing control over your body or fear and anticipation of pain. Whatever the cause, the fear is real, and it can be debilitating.

What Might Tokophobia Look Like?

Symptoms of Tokophobia may include: 

• Avoidance: Avoiding sex entirely to prevent the possibility of pregnancy, skipping gynecological wellness check-ups, and avoiding pregnant friends, baby showers, movies or social media content related to pregnancy or childbirth. The fear is so constant that it keeps you from making plans or exploring your own desire to have a family.

  
  

• Panic: Experiencing a physical panic response when faced with unwanted content or thoughts about pregnancy or childbirth, like a racing heartbeat, dizziness, or sudden intense sweating.

  
  

• Disgust: Feeling intense disgust when thinking about pregnancy or any pregnancy-related content.

If this sounds like you, take a deep breath! You aren’t broken, and you aren’t doing anything wrong. You don’t have to forgo your dreams of having a family, remove all reminders of pregnancy and childbirth from your life, or just wish the fear away.

Get Started Addressing Your Fears

• Talk About It: Share your thoughts and fears with trusted friends, family, and medical providers. Shame and fear breed avoidance and secrecy. This may be the first step to helping you get unstuck and devising a path forward.

• Limit Content: The internet, media, and social media are filled with polarizing experiences of pregnancy and childbirth. 

  
  

• Plan Ahead: If you hope to start a family, build your A-team of supportive individuals to be there for the journey. Identify the people and providers who will listen to you, respect your boundaries, and help you advocate for what you need in medical settings. This might include a supportive friend or partner, OB/GYN, doula, mental health provider, and/or support group.

Seeking Professional Mental Health Support

• Cognitive Behavioral Therapy: We identify the specific thoughts fueling your anxiety and look at them objectively. It’s not about ignoring your fear; it’s about shifting those thoughts into something more grounded and balanced. Tools may include psychoeducation to learn accurate information about pregnancy and childbirth, cognitive restructuring to shift unrealistic or unhelpful thoughts, and behavioral interventions like relaxation training and diaphragmatic breathing exercises.

  
  

• Exposure Therapy: We work together to identify your triggers and then slowly and safely engage with these topics through a variety of exercises that we agree upon together until your anxiety response is reduced. Exposure therapy is a highly effective approach to treating phobias and can allow you to learn how to tolerate the feeling of anxiety and its triggers so that you can move forward with your life. 

  
  

• Acceptance-Based Approaches: Sometimes, the energy spent fighting the anxiety is what drains you the most. You will learn how to sit with those uncomfortable thoughts, so they stop controlling your actions, allowing you to live a fuller life that is more aligned with your values.

At Silver Therapy Group, we are aware of the impact anxiety may have on your life. We work with you to develop a treatment approach using evidence-based strategies to reduce your symptoms so you can make choices about your future based on your goals and values rather than your fear.